i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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