he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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