woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
