Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
