I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
