So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
not ubering you a puppy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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