I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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