in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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