he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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