I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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