this beer tastes like vomit already
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
