so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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