Pappa wants mamma naked
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
MIDGETS
????
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
