and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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