I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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