Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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