they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
