I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
