My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
