is wine microwaveable?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
