i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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