New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
