something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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