I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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