I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
