sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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