I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
