Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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