Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
