so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And then he peed in my hair
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