It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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