im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
COCAINE IS GR8
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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