I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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