Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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