the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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