am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
