Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
