The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
