He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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