we made out on top of his cat.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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