Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize