I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
