shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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