if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
