how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
