My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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