She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
either way he was missing a nipple.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I will be naked everywhere
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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