why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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