There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
