WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize