just come out here and I will go home with you...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
