Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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