If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
