I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
