i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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