Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
