I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
