Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
