Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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