I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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