the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
