I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
