i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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